Lately, I have been a little frustrated. Frankly, I thought I would be recovered by now. But I am not. I am getting better, but not at 100%.Not to mention that I have to answer to my F&F, who I know are concerned on my behalf. But, asking me questions that I don't have the answer to exasperates me.
That's how my doctor found me yesterday, grumpy and tired. I told him that I feel like I have taken a step back, delving into the murky puddle that is my future. Plus, I have to place my trust in people to do things for me. Sometimes, I have to pick up the pieces.
Its akin to groundhog day. The only thing different is that I am aware of what's happening, which I think makes it worse.
That's when my doctor explained to me that my body has its own timeline, and I will recover in due time. To help it, I have to be positive, and plant my feet in the now. Looking back or peeking forward is a big no no.Not to mention that my status quo may just be a precursor to my recovery.
What that boils down to, for me at least, is to not ponder about the what-ifs, and just be here. Also, I need to be very clear and firm with my F&F when I am answering their questions. Which is a learning opportunity, because I can be laconic at times.
Finally, I have to believe - that I will recover, and everything will be okay. What I have to say is this, I am glad that I can clear my mind with my doctor, and purge my thoughts via this blog. This is therapeutic to me, not to mention that writing is a long-time dream of mine.
So, I charge onward... armed with my long-lost faith.
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